I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
