so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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