omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
