Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
