I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Boobs are out for the taking
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
