An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
