Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize