just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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