I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
