i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
