I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
