he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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