The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
