well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
