Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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