I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
