Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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