A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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