My room smells like vodka and shame
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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