i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize