Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
