u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
