he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
