Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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