I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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