Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
