I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
