took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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