I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
