I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
