Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
