Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize