# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
