It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
