I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
