Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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