I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
