cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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