good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
