So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
