WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize