I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
