I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize