Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
