I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You can't motorboat a personality
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
