6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize