if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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