so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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