I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
