at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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