he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
