I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
