i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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