You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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