me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
