no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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