Welp...herpes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
