I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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