Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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