Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
