I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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