I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize