every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
