I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
