He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
