I think scott just propositioned me for sex
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize