I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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