I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
