I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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