Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
