The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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