Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
