TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize