In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
