Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
