i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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