he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
