she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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