Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you had me at cake vodka
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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