she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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