If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
