I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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