Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
