Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
