I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ok first of all what the fuck
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
