i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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