I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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