There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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