Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
